Doug Wilson has a series going on the Foundations of Marriage. Here are links to the posts so far:
Foundations of Marriage I
Foundations of Marriage II
Foundations of Marriage III
Foundations of Marriage IV
Foundations of Marriage V
Foundations of Marriage VI
Foundations of Marriage VII
Foundations of Marriage VIII
Foundations of Marriage IX
Foundations of Marriage X
Foundations of Marriage XI
Here are some gems:
If we are discontent in our marriages, we are not capable of learning anything fundamental about marriage. And the more we refuse to learn, the more we think we know because we have all kinds of “stories.” The irony is that today so much material on marriage is actually used (whether the authors intended this or not) to inflame discontent. And sermons series on marriage (like this one) can inflame discontent. “Lord, here am I. Change _him_.”
Those who want to learn to “be married,” or “be the wife of a happy husband,” or “love their wife as Christ did the church” must understand how quickly the standards involved in this can turn into a newer and better and higher _law_. But the law (taken in this sense) only increases and provokes transgression (Rom. 3:20, 5:20). Understood by faith, of course it does not, but when the letters are there and the Spirit is not, the results are condemnation and the very impiety that “the high standards” are vainly trying to keep away.
…
The only high standards that are at all spiritually safe are the standards that are born from gratitude and thanksgiving. Grace is foundational, and the higher the structure, the more necessary it is to have that foundation straight. From a thankful heart, all things may be received, including the great gifts of discipline and standards (1 Tim. 4:4-5). But without that gratitude pervading everything, strictness of views on marriage are simply a way of creating an earthly hell.
A godly marriage does not consist of this communication technique or that one. A godly marriage occurs when a man and a woman both die to themselves, and are raised to the life that seeks the best interest of the other in all things. This is the only kind of godly marriage there is.
Anyone who comes away from a careful reading of the apostle Paul?s teaching on marriage with the idea that the husband is “the boss” and the wife is “the slave” is someone not to be trusted with any text.
The chief end of marriage is the same as the chief end of man?to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
How would biblical obedience here be slandered and caricatured? It could never be that “those Christian men browbeat their wives.” It would be that Christian men glorify their wives to the point of encouraging vanity. Let us not fall into the sin?but we should be careful to live in a way that provokes the slander.
Someone can be masculine in one relationship and feminine in another. This is because masculinity is authority, sacrifice, responsibility, and initiative, and femininity is submission, obedience, gratitude, and responsiveness. To the extent that someone is legitimately in authority, sacrifices, takes responsibility and initiative, to that extent such a person is being “masculine.” To the extent that someone submits, obeys, expresses gratitude, and responds to initiative, to that extend such a person is being “feminine.”